


The First Time

by details



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, First Time, Kissing, Love, M/M, alternate universe-america, ziam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-05
Updated: 2013-10-18
Packaged: 2017-12-25 16:09:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/955122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/details/pseuds/details
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I want to know I’m here<br/>every single part of me,<br/>my heart open as the river’s eyes<br/>the first time it sees the ocean.</p><p>or, </p><p>(Liam meets Zayn for the first time and that's the best part of his weekend.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Friday

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the movie 'the first time'
> 
> p.s. in this fic they're american. because i can. And mostly because I have no freaking idea how school works in the UK:)
> 
> also. the last fic i wrote was called 'the first date' and these two fics are totally unrelated. funny how that works out, huh?

Liam is pretty sure he’s in love. Seriously. There was only one problem though. Well, there were multiple problems. First, he was in love with Harry Styles (which is a problem all in it’s self). Second, Harry Styles is not gay (but he’s heard rumors of bi curiosity, so). Third, he’s Liam Payne (so for anyone to be interested in him would be a miracle). 

He doesn’t complain though. He figures that if you love someone it doesn’t have to be two sided. Liam loves Harry and there is definitely no way in hell that the feeling is mutual. It’s fine. Being gay doesn’t allow for things like happiness or probability in this town. He’s fine. 

There’s this thing about high school though, and Liam knows this for a fact. There is no way for anyone to be happy. Everyone is too busy trying to fit in, trying to be accepted or decidedly trying not to be seen. It’s like these four years are formulated to be misery for anyone who registers to go to a compulsory public education (the same is probably true for private educations, but he wouldn’t know). And Liam is pretty sure that the universe played an extra cruel joke on him when his destiny (and his dick) decided to make him gay. 

This isn’t some teenage drama complex. This is the truth and it applies to every cheerleader, jock, outsider, stoner or any other strangely accurate high school stereotypes. Life sucks and it will suck for as long as he is a student at that godforsaken establishment. He’ll never be the perfect teen romantic comedy. There will be no romance, no comedy and no naked Harry Styles in his bed at the end of the night. Which is a disappointment if Liam has ever heard one. 

Lucky for him, he has only two months left of it. Two months and he can have absolute freedom. He can leave this shit town, move to a city, go to school and finally make something of his totally drab life. These first 18 years have been a rough start, and he is determined to make up for lost time.

This sad existence is how he ended up curled up in his bed on a Friday night. What’s the point of even trying? Why does he have to do all of those stupid high school things just because he’s in high school? He’s better than that. He knows it. 

“Leeeeyyyyuuuuummm!!” He heard a familiar voice call from underneath his window. _Shit_ was the word that came to mind. With a heavy sigh he pulled himself from his very uncomfortable bed and dragged himself to the window, only to find the same thing he always did. 

It was the same every weekend. Liam would resolve to stay home that night, citing loads of homework and family time to catch up on. He would turn off his phone, hide it in his sock drawer, and curl up in his bed with his stereo lulling him into a sleepy haze. But every Friday between 10 and 10:30, Danielle, his best friend for reasons unknown, would be standing under his window shouting quite loudly. 

“Dani. I said that I didn’t want to come out tonight.” Liam whisper-shouted. The neighbors had kids that were probably asleep. He was nothing if not a considerate person. Danielle just laughed and motioned him outside. He rolled his eyes. 

“Please, Liam. Connor Nelson is a massive party and I cannot miss it. You’ve seen his pool, right?” Danielle begged him. She looked like she had already decided that they were going, dressed impeccably, as per usual. 

“You said that last week about Audrey van Camp’s party.” Liam challenged, resting his forearms on the window ledge so he could lean out farther. 

“And I was right.” She retorted, folding her thin arms gracefully across her chest. 

“Sure.” She wasn’t. Liam agreed with her only because there was really no other option. She had a way of taking away your free agency like that. 

“Please please please come!!!” She begged him, all but falling on her knees. Liam shook his head. He was determined to say no to Danielle tonight. Not because he didn’t want to go to the party, because he didn’t care either way, but because he was an independent man and he didn’t need Danielle always pressuring him into doing things. 

“I’m actually really busy, Dani. Have you started Mr. Henderson’s calculus reviews? If the AP test is anything like that it’ll be a miracle if I pass.” Liam lied. Well, sort of. The math was kicking his ass but he was putting that torture off as long as possible.

“Bullshit.” She said, obviously not believing it. Liam sighed. He didn’t even know why he tried. If there was any downside to being best friends with someone since kindergarten, it was that they knew when you were bullshitting. 

“If you don’t come out right now I’ll tell Harry that you have a photograph of him hanging by your bed and you jerk off to it every night.” She said casually, kicking her beautifully expensive boots into the grass. He absolutely did not have a picture of him in his bedroom. God, he had _some_ dignity. 

“You wouldn’t.” Liam laughed. She would. But not to him, right? He didn’t know why he told her anything. She just used it against him at the worst times. He hated the feeling of being manipulated. Especially by Danielle. It was even worse when you knew it was happening to you. 

“You know how I get when I’m drunk, Li.” She told him with an evil smirk. He hated her. He really did. “And if I happen to see Harry who knows what I’d say.”

“You’re the worst kind of human and I hate you.” Liam said dully. He had no other choice, did he?

“Meet you at the car in five!” She said happily. At that, she trotted off into the bushes, back the way she came. Liam sighed again, because he often did that when dealing with Dani, and ducked back into his window. He hated the party scene. He really did. But somehow, every weekend, he found himself doing the same thing.

He could just not go, he reasoned. He could shut the window; keep his phone tucked away in the drawer, and curl back up in bed. Liam could do all sorts of things tonight, all sorts of things other than going to that party. He didn’t even like Connor. He was in the same gym class with him last semester and all Connor did was stare at Danielle’s ass the whole time. He’s a pig. Liam should skip his party just on principal. 

Somehow, despite how good his reasoning was, he still found himself pulling on real pants. He retrieved his phone from his fickle hiding spot and shoved it in his pocket. He didn’t take care to change his shirt, mostly because Connor Nelson and his friends can go fuck themselves. 

He slipped out of his room, past his little sister’s room, down the stairs, past his mother who waved him out with an unsurprised farewell. Liam thinks he’s too predictable. He can’t even manage to surprise his mom. What a terrible teenager he makes. He should march back up the stairs and shut himself back into his room. Just on principle really. 

There a lot of stuff he should do on principal.

But, Liam is an insecure high school student whose self worth and self-esteem depend on the way people react to him at parties. So, while he has all these dreams of being the kind of guy who doesn’t give a fuck and can coast through life with his middle finger in the air, it’s not quite possible. He scored a 35 on the ACT, but he still gives a damn about what his classmates think of him. 

That’s the biggest reason why he gets into the car with Danielle, really. 

“Hey.” Andy greeted him from the front seat. Andy never said much. But that’s part of his charm. He was mostly Danielle’s little minion because he tended to be more agreeable than Liam.

“Hey, Andy. What’s new?” Liam greeted him, patting him on the shoulder over the seat in a friendly manner.

“Today in Russia, 2,000 people died.” He told Liam in a morose tone. “That’s one of the few populations in the world that’s decreasing. Russia will be gone soon. Then we’re next.”

“Awesome.” Liam said with a laugh. Where did they find him? 

“I’m really glad you decided to come with us, Li.” Danielle told him, shifting the car into drive and pulling into traffic. “I really think it’s good for you.”

“Good for me?” Liam deadpanned. He pulled his seatbelt over himself roughly and clicked it in place.

“Yeah. You’re always so high strung, its good to cut loose.” She said. Their eyes met in the rearview mirror and Liam rolled his eyes. 

“I’m always high strung, Dani. You’ve known me since kindergarten, how is one party going to change anything?” He said in his annoyed voice. That usually shut Danielle up. Tonight was no exception. 

~*~*~

The party was the same as they always were. It was loud and dimly lit, as if no one had the mind to actually flip on a light switch. The sour smell of alcohol clung in the air with a vengeance, attacking Liam’s nose in the worst way. The music was so loud it vibrated his eardrums and he could hardly hear it. A few people were nodding to the beat, but mostly people were standing close together, yelling over the music.

People were standing around in groups, making him feel like he didn’t have anywhere to go. A game of beer pong was being played on his right, and a low stakes poker game was to his left. In front of him was a keg, which was crawling with desperate and insecure girls who wanted some guy to swoop in and fill up their empty cups.

It was the same as every other party he had ever been to. 

He could practically feel the judgment in the air and his classmates and random people circled around him. People spoke to each other, but did they actually take the time to get to know one another? Everyone was so worried that they would do the wrong thing that they didn’t even look like they were having a good time. It was really sad. 

Liam didn’t understand why he cared so much. 

“Liam!” Someone squealed behind him. He jumped about ten feet in the air and turned to see the smiling face of Perrie Edwards coming towards him. He smiled back and offered a friendly wave. 

“Hey, Perrie.” He said when she reached him. Before he had time to react she had her arms secured around his neck in a really tight hug. He returned it, mostly because he didn’t want to be rude. 

“I’m so glad I saw you tonight! I wanted to tell you! I totally got a B on Mr. Hess’ exam. You’re a miracle worker.” She said, swaying slightly as she spoke to him. She was a little intoxicated which was a little funny. 

“I’m a math tutor, Perrie. It’s my job.” He said with a friendly smile. “Congratulations though. I knew you’d do great.” 

“You’re so cute.” She said with a pout. Her arms wrapped around his neck again, this time in a way that was supposed to be alluring, he assumed. “Why don’t you like me?” 

“Er.” He said uncomfortably. He was trying to figure out how to get his arms off of him without hurting her feelings. 

“I’ve been flirting with you since we met and you never take the bait.” She said sloppily in his ear. Liam flinched slightly. 

“It’s not you, Perrie.” He said, stepping back slightly. “I don’t really—“

“He likes dick, Per.” A voice interrupted them. Liam stiffened instantly. He knew that voice. It’s that same voice that thinks slinging around homophobic shit is hilarious. “Isn’t that right, Liam?”

“Really?” Perrie gasped. There was an uneasy pause before she started giggling, pulling her arms off of him. “Oh god, I’m sorry, Liam. I’m such a slut!”

“It’s alright.” Liam said with an uneasy smile. God. He fucking hates Ty Beckstrom. Why did he think he was allowed to laugh near Liam?

“I’ll take it from here, gay boy.” Ty said, patting his shoulder a little too roughly to be considered friendly. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself trying to handle a woman.”

“No don’t go, Liam! We’ve hardly had time to talk!” Perrie pouted, reaching out for Liam. If he wasn’t so pissed off at Ty he would have laughed at Perrie. She was so cute when she was tipsy.

“I’ve got it under control.” Ty said quietly so Perrie couldn’t here. “I’m serious. Take a hike.”

“Fuck you.” Liam said, backing away. Ty’s nostrils flared. Liam didn’t take the time to see what else Ty would do. Instead he excused himself civilly. Well, as civilly as one can after saying ‘fuck you’ to someone.

“What did you say?” He called out as Liam pushed through the crowd. Ty was already too far away to throw a punch, and he was too horny to chase after him. 

“I said ‘fuck you’.” Liam repeated, glaring over his shoulder. God he hated high school so much sometimes he could rip his own skin off. Ty could choke on his Axe deodorant spray and die for all Liam cared. 

He pushed through the crowds of people, his blood boiling. Suddenly he felt like he was suffocating in this fucking house. These fucking people were sucking the oxygen right out of his lungs. 

He had to get out. He needed to leave this fucking house before he had a panic attack. He shoved toward the nearest exit, not caring to watch out for anyone in his way. He just had to get out. 

When he stumbled out of the gate and into the dark alleyway at the side of the house he took a big dramatic breath. He could finally smell the night, and not just cheap body spray and hormones. He was still pissed beyond comprehension, though.

Who the hell did Ty think he was? Just because he was gay didn’t mean he wasn’t capable of having a conversation with a girl. God. People were so dumb. Everyone thought he was like allergic to women or something. Just because he didn’t want to kiss girls didn’t mean he was scared of them. 

And what if Perrie didn’t even want Ty? He wasn’t even that cute anyway. Just because the school decided he was popular and all of a sudden he thinks he’s the second coming of Christ. It’s pathetic. And Liam knows there’s something beyond this hellhole. But right now it didn’t seem very real. 

“I think you all are just pathetic, petty little twats who don’t have the brain capacity to process anything other than the size of a woman’s breasts. So fuck you, Ty. I’m going to Yale fucking University and you’re going to flunk out of a shitty community college because the only class you could ever pass is Beer Pong 101.” Liam muttered to himself as he paced back and forth in the spacious alley. He was on fire, he was really letting…nobody have it. He’s a monster. “God! I hate this fucking town and all you fucking people. I hate these parties and I hate the tool fest that never seems to end! I hate—“

“All right?” A voice said behind him. Liam is sure he jumped about 10 feet in the air, _at least._ He turned around reluctantly, he really hated it when people caught him talking to himself. When he did, he regretted it almost instantly. 

The person who caught him was smirking at him when he whirled around. And, to make it worse, totally fucking attractive. He was all tan skin, smoldering eyes, plump lips and wiry body. Honestly, Harry Styles was average compared to this guy, which is saying something. 

“I um.” Liam said because he’s really intelligent. “Sorry?”

“You’re not a very good at being mad.” He said with a laugh. Liam wanted to kill himself when the guy reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. How did people manage to be so effortlessly cool?

“I’m not mad.” Liam said. He dropped his gaze to his shoes, because he really doesn’t think he could handle it if he looked at this guy any longer. The sheer perfection in his existence was overwhelming. 

“Okay.” He shrugged, tapping a cigarette into his thin fingers and wrapping his lips around it delicately. “Want one?” He asked, offering out the pack, his voice muffled by the obstruction on his mouth. 

“Don’t smoke.” Liam said. The guy smirked and put the pack back in his pocket. Liam stared open mouthed as he flicked a lighted, his hand cupped gracefully around the cancer stick. Smoking was vile, but it looked so fucking hot right now. 

“You look like you could use one.” The guy said after his first drag. The smoke billowed out of his mouth as he spoke, curling around his perfect face. 

“Thanks.” Liam replied. He’s smart. He really is. 

“I don’t think I was complimenting you.” The guy said with a laugh. “But you’re welcome.”

“I’m Liam.” He said. There was an awkward pause between them. He had to say something. Liam hated awkward pauses. And he wanted to introduce himself because he had to know the name of this beautiful human being in front of him. 

“Zayn.” The boy replied with a smirk. Liam wanted to cry at the way Zayn’s lips moved as he spoke around the butt of the cigarette. Liam almost asked him for one, just because it looked so appealing. 

“Do you go to Marshall?” He asked after another awkward pause. “I’ve never seen you around.”

“Nah. I go to West.” Zayn said. He blew another puff of smoke out and leaned against the fence separating them from the yard where the party was going on. Liam nodded.

West was the school on the other side of town. Marshall and West were supposedly rivals, but it wasn’t uncommon to see some students from West at a Marshall party, and visa versa. Liam didn’t know anyone from West, mostly because he didn’t care to. He realizes the errors of his ways.

“You aren’t some dickhead jock who’ll threaten me because of some shit rivalry, are you?” Zayn asked him with a smirk. A smirk went perfectly with his face, Liam noticed. Liam shook his head in the negative, because he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about sports rivalries. 

“No jock here.” Liam said. “I’m just a mere mortal, see.” He added, just because he felt particularly cynical. Jocks were the worst kind of humans.  
“Did you come here alone?” Zayn asked him after laughing at Liam’s last remark. No, Liam didn’t get all tingly because he made Zayn laugh. 

“No. I was manipulated mercilessly by my best friend, so I had no choice.” Liam said. “I just needed some air. These things can get real stuffy sometimes.”

“A few friends dragged me out tonight. One of my mates is pining after some girl from your swim team so we had to make it this whole thing.” Zayn explained with a displeased look. “My friends are sort of whores sometimes.”

“Sounds like good friends.” Liam said sarcastically. Zayn laughed again. Good god. Liam really needed to pull himself together.

“Not really. But you take what you can get, right?” He replied with a grin. Liam nodded, because yeah, you did take what you can get. Story of his life. “You a senior, Liam?”

“Yep.” He replied, popping the ‘p’ sound at the end because that’s what you did when you said that word. “You?” 

“Junior.” Zayn corrected. Liam watched in awe as Zayn’s graceful fingers tapped the ash off of the cigarette before placing it back in his mouth. Liam couldn’t help but lick his lips. 

“Oh.” Liam said, shoving his hands into his pockets. Zayn cocked an eyebrow and looked unimpressed. 

“Is that a problem?” He demanded. There was a snarky tone to his voice that sent Liam reeling. The smoking, the smirking, the snarking. It was all too much for his poor old heart. 

“No!” He assured him quickly. “Not at all. You just. Seem older. I was surprised is all.” 

“Chill.” Zayn said lightly, licking his pink lips. “I was just messing with you.”

“Right.” Liam said. He nodded his head slowly. What else was he supposed to do? 

“You’re lucky though.” Zayn said, suddenly looking all perplexed. Liam looked at him expectantly, wanting him to continue. “Being a senior. You get to…I don’t know. Get the fuck out of here in a few months. That’s just. Lucky.”

“I guess.” Liam agreed, shrugging his shoulders. “I mean. The getting out part is nice but it’ll be hard to move on, you know? This is all I’ve ever known.” He swept his arms out, gesturing to the alley around him. 

“That’s the cool part though, yeah?” He said. “You can be whoever the fuck you want to be and no one can do anything about it because they don’t remember you when you were eight years old.”

“You’re right.” Liam supposed. He’s right. It’s probably nice to be someone other than _“that gay kid”_ or _“Danielle’s gay best friend”_ or (as the lacrosse team liked to call him when they were feeling particularly charming) _“that fag”._

“It’s sad that everyone wants to be anyone but themselves.” Zayn commented. Dropping his cigarette to the ground, unconcerned. His foot found the discarded but and stamped it out without even skipping a beat. “Why do we even give a fuck?”

“You don’t seem to give a fuck.” Liam observed. His eyes looked Zayn up and down, taking him all in. In addition to his broody attitude and smoldering gaze, he had a small assortment of tattoos littering the skin of his arms and exposed collarbones. His jeans were black and ripped, a stark contrast to the crisp white t-shirt that was pulled over his lanky frame. The real kicker was the thick soled and scuffed up Doc Martins that were loosely tied on his feet. 

This kid was the picture of high school non-conformity. Of self determined confidence and effortless charm. He looked like the kid who people made up rumors about because they didn’t know what else to do. This was the kind of guy who was totally unaffected by high school. This was the kind of guy Liam wished he could be. 

“I don’t think I do.” Zayn said with a grumbling laugh. “I should get back in there. My friends are waiting.” Liam smiled at him and watched as the guy turned around to go. Liam had half a mind to get down on his knees and beg him not to go. 

“Wait!” Liam called out after him when he was halfway through the gate. Zayn turned around back to Liam, training his unnerving gaze on him, waiting. Liam took a deep breath to collect himself. “You um. If you don’t care, why did you come?” 

“Because I wanted to.” Zayn said with a shrug. Liam nodded, mulling over his answer. “I’m always looking for something exciting to do. What’s better than underage drinking and noise ordinance violations, eh?” 

“Okay. Yeah. That’s. Thanks.” Liam said, waving him off. Zayn waved back and turned to go again. Liam couldn’t understand why it was so physically impossible to let this guy leave. The thought of him going was too much for him to bear. 

“Wait!” He called out again because he’s an idiot. Why does he open his big stupid mouth anyway? God. 

“What now?” Zayn laughed, stepping back into the alley and letting the gate fall shut. Liam could only gape at him for a few beats, because, what now? He didn’t have anything to say, he just wanted him to stick around.  
“It’s just.” Liam began. He’s a mess. “I’ve been doing this for four years of my life. Showing at some party somewhere every Friday night, on the off chance that I find something other than drunk teenagers and a hangover. And I just. I haven’t found that yet. And I can’t help but wonder why, you know?”

“Okay.” Zayn was confused. Hell, Liam was confused. He didn’t know what he was saying he just knew that he wanted to say it to Zayn. 

“I guess. Um. Do you think its me?” Liam asked finally. Zayn quirked an eyebrow at him. “Am I the problem? Am I the reason why I can’t find anything?” 

“Dude, we just met like…five minutes ago.” Was Zayn’s reply. Liam sighed. He didn’t need Zayn to respond. He already knew the answer. His stupid mouth was the problem. “I wouldn’t say you’re the problem necessarily. I think it’s just. Like, your mind.”

“My mind?” Liam repeated slowly, like he was practicing how to say the words. Zayn ran his hands through his hair and took a breath. 

“Yeah. My first impression of you was like, ‘wow, this guy is a fucking psychopath’. I mean with the whole talking to yourself in alleys at a party bit. But after I talked to you I don’t think you crazy or anything. I just think you’re just sort of a high-strung person. I can practically feel you overanalyzing things. I think you’re the kind of person that lets things get to you before you recognize the opportunity in them, you know?”

“Oh.” Liam was a little surprised. Because that’s exactly what he was like. But he never thought it was obvious from one conversation. Turns out he’s a lot more transparent than he thought. 

“I don’t want to offend you or anything like that. I just mean, like, maybe if you stop thinking for once you’ll find what you’re looking for.” Zayn told him, concluding his assessment by placing his hands in his pockets 

“I’m not, offended or anything.” Liam assured him. “You’re just right. So much for being all mysterious and interesting, eh?”

“There’s nothing wrong with it. Some people are just easier to read than others.” Zayn told him, looking down at the ground. 

“I’ll remember that.” Liam replied, hoping Zayn couldn’t see his grimace. If he noticed it he didn’t say anything. 

“Think less, live more, yeah?” Zayn said with a nod. He said it sort of conclusively so Liam could tell that he was done talking to him. He knew this was the end of their conversation, but he didn’t want to be.

“Is that your philosophy?” Liam asked him before he could turn away again.  
“Sorry?” Zayn said, obviously confused. 

“Think less, live more?” Liam repeated. “Is that like, your thing?” 

“Why do you care?” Zayn replied with another smirk.

“I just want to know what kind of person you are.” Liam explained, hoping Zayn didn’t think that he was mental. “This is the sort of thing people write about, you know? The stranger in the alley giving them wise advice…I just. Never mind.”

“So you want to write about me?” Zayn said, folding his arms over his chest. 

“Well not you, specifically. Just. Us. Now.” Liam tired to articulate. “This moment. I don’t know. It just feels important, don’t you think?”

“You’re weird, Liam.” Zayn laughed. Liam could feel his cheeks burn in an instant. Leave it to him to say something totally stupid at a time like this. Why the hell did he tell Zayn he wanted to write about him? That’s not something you say to people. 

“Weird. Yeah. I get that a lot.” Liam laughed half-heartedly with him. He figured that since he’d already made an ass of himself he might as well have a laugh about it. “Sorry. It was nice to meet you, Zayn. I shouldn’t keep you from your friends anymore.” 

“Fuck them.” Zayn said, surprising Liam. He looked around, wondering what Zayn could possibly be talking about. “They won’t miss me.”

“Right.” Liam said, still not following what Zayn was saying. Does this mean that he wants to hang out with Liam or something?

“Give me a ride home?” Zayn asked. He pulled his leather jacket tighter around himself with the breeze picked up. Liam’s felt it too, but didn’t have the luxury of a jacket to protect against the cold. But that had nothing to do with the task at hand and he really needs to stop getting distracted so easily. 

“I didn’t—“ Liam starts to tell him when someone burst through the gate with a frantic look on his face interrupts him. Zayn looks at them in that way he had looked at Liam, like he couldn’t give a fuck. 

“Cops showed!” He says in frenzy before running off and crossing the road. Zayn laughed at him as he trotted off. Seconds later, people started streaming out of the gate after the other boy, all in a rush to leave before they got arrested. 

Zayn looked at Liam and Liam looked back at Zayn. They seemed to be in a bit of a pinch right now. Liam never had a way with words when attractive males are involved, so he couldn’t do much else other than stare at him with wide eyes. 

“So. How about that ride?” Zayn asked. 

“Right. I got picked up so I don’t have a car. I’m sure if we can find Dani she’s be okay with giving you a ride.” Liam offered. He sounded stupid, but he might as well offer. 

“Eh.” Zayn said with a shrug. Liam took this to mean he was refusing the offer. “But you could walk home with me.”

“Are you sure? Because Dani is—“ Liam motioned to the general direction of the house. Before he could continue he was interrupted. 

“Liam.” Zayn said in an amused tone.

“Yeah?” Said sheepishly.

“Remember what I said about thinking to much?” Zayn asked him. His perfect eyebrows were arched in a challenging manner, which was both tempting and nerve wracking for Liam. “Just say yes. For once in your life say yes just because you can.”

“Yeah. Okay. I’ll walk with you.” Liam agreed finally. Zayn was right. He was a senior in high school. He might as well do something spontaneous. Taking walked with strangers at midnight certainly counted. 

“Good.” Zayn smirked. He looked a little too smug for Liam’s liking. 

“Yeah. Good.” Liam agrees. It’s good, right? That’s what high school is about. Making rash decisions with hot boys who smoke in alleys at parties. He should do something stupid for once. And walking off into the night with someone he barely knows constitutes as stupid. 

“So.” Zayn says after they had been walking for a while. Zayn said that his place was only about eleven blocks away. They had only gone two, and it had taken good ten minutes. Needless to say this was going to take a while. Thankfully someone was addressing the awkward silence. 

“So.” Liam repeated. 

“What’s your last name?” Zayn asked. Liam glanced over at him shortly, only to find Zayn staring straight ahead. If they were going to walk all the way across town together, they might as well know that, right?

“Payne. Liam Payne.” Liam recited easily. Zayn nodded slowly, seemingly mulling it over. 

“I like that. It’s a good name. Very…” He paused. “Very masculine.” 

“Um. Thanks.” Liam said nervously. What else is he supposed to say about that? 

“Malik.” Zayn said after another pause. “My name is Zayn Malik.”  
Of course it is. Because Zayn wasn’t mysterious enough he had to go have a last name like that. Now he’s _Zayn Malik_ . Fuck. This guy gets hotter every second Liam spends with him. Zayn Malik. Jesus.

“That’s a good name.” Liam told him. Because it really was.

“Thank you. I didn’t have a lot of say in the matter. But I like it just fine.”

“It suits you.” Liam told him before he had time to thin it through. 

“Does it?” Zayn smiled slightly. 

“Yeah. I mean. You have that whole mysterious and brooding this going on. That name just works. I think it suits you well.” Liam tired to explain. 

“You think I’m mysterious and brooding?” Zayn snickered. 

“I don’t know.” Liam shrugged. Zayn laughed. “I don’t know you. But that was my first impression. The smoking, the boots, the jacket and the um…the hair. You’re a high school girl’s bad boy wet dream.”

“I’m far from mysterious and brooding.” Zayn denies, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket. He produced the pack of cigarettes and got to work lighting up another. 

“What are you then?” Liam asked him. He tried not to watch as Zayn’s cheeks hollowed to inhale the smoke. 

“I’m a work in progress.” Zayn said abruptly. “Meaning I have no fucking idea.”

“I don’t think anyone does.” Liam didn’t know what he was either. High school.

“Not even you?” Zayn sounded disbelieving. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Liam replied a little defensively. 

“You just seem like the kind of person who has like a ten year plan or some shit.” Zayn said simply. He took another drag and exhaled sharply. It was amazing, to say the least. 

“Is it that obvious?” Liam asked sheepishly. 

“Do you really?” Zayn laughs and smoke falls from his mouth in a wild manner, like it wasn’t supposed to happen. 

“Not necessarily. I just know what I want.” Liam tired to explain without blushing too wildly. 

“What do you want?” Zayn asked slowly. 

“What do I want?” Liam repeated. No one ever asked him that. They only asked what his plans were. 

“What’s your pipedream, Liam Payne?” Zayn said pensively. 

“I want to be the White House Press Secretary.” Liam told him. That was the first time he’s said that out loud. It’s always best to keep the long shots a secret. That way you don’t get disappointed when things don’t go the way you hoped. 

“Whoa. I was expecting something like lawyer or doctor or teacher.” Zayn laughed. “But you know exactly what you want. That’s refreshing. A teenager that actually has direction.”

“It’s just a pipedream. Might as well dream big.” Liam replied modestly. 

“So your ten year plan then?”

“Go to Yale in the fall. Double major in Political Science and Communications. Graduate. Get into grad school. Get a Masters in communications. Work on a campaign team. Hopefully for a presidential election. Maybe get lucky and get the job of my dreams.” Liam recited. “Not so much a ten year plan as it is a hoped for sequence of events.”

“Yale, huh?” Zayn said with a chuckle. “You one of them brainiacs then?”

“I wouldn’t say braniac. I just…I don’t know.” Liam blushed. 

“That’s cool. It must be nice to have a tangible dream. Unlike the rest of us that float around unsure of everything. I’ve never had anything I’ve wanted enough to make a ten year plan for.” Zayn told him. 

“There are a lot of things I’d like to do. I just chose the one I want most.” Liam said. It’s not like he had it figured out. He just thought about it more than he should. 

“Like what?” Zayn asked him, tossing the butt of his cigarette away. “What else would you like to do if you could?”

“I’d like to be a writer. A novelist.” Liam admitted. Goddamn. He’d never told anyone that. Not even Danielle. “I like the thought of capturing an entire lifetime in the words you write. I also think it would be cool to be a math teacher.”

“You’re something else, Liam.” Zayn shook his head. “You’re seventeen, eighteen years old and you’ve already thought about all these things. You must be in a hurry to grow up.”

“Not so much to grow up. Just to get more experience. There’s only so much you can do in a place like this. There’s got to be more out there.” It’s true. He felt like he was suffocating. 

“I sure hope so.” Zayn agreed with a slow nod of his head. 

“You really don’t even have a pipedream? A long shot?” Liam asked Zayn. It’s time he answer some questions. 

“Nope. I have no marketable skills. I’ll probably be poor and homeless for the rest of my life.” Zayn told him. It was meant to sound like a joke but Liam could tell that parts of it might not be. 

“A little pessimistic, don’t you think?” Liam offered. 

“Some people have it. Some don’t.” Zayn said simply. “You have it. I don’t.” 

“I don’t have anything.” Liam shook his head. 

“You’re going to Yale. You’ve got something.” Zayn argued. 

“I’ve gone to high school for four years and I literally have nothing to show for it. I barely have friends and I spend most of my time hanging out with my twelve-year-old sister. I hate that going to Yale means that I didn’t get to experience high school.” Liam explained slowly. 

“You go to parties all the time. You said so yourself.” Zayn looked confused. “How is that not a high school experience?”

“I’ve always been on the outside. I’ve never felt like I fit in.” Liam shrugged like it was no big deal. Bit it was sometimes. 

“Why?” Zayn raised his eyebrows questioningly. 

“Honestly? I don’t think I was meant to.” Liam said bitterly. Zayn looked at him questioningly. 

“Whose mysterious and brooding now?” Zayn said. He shifted a little close so he could bump Liam’s shoulder as they walked. Liam tried to ignore the way his skin ignited when Zayn’s leather clad arm touched his bare one. 

“I just don’t get high school. I guess it just wasn’t the part of life I was supposed to be successful in.” Liam told him. It’s true. High school is not for him. 

“I get that.” Zayn nodded his agreement. 

Liam had the urge to bash his head into the pavement. Here he was telling Zayn about his insecurities about high school and Zayn wouldn’t tell him anything about himself in return. He didn’t want to beg Zayn to tell him what his deal was because it was none of his business. So he hoped that Zayn would catch on that Liam desperately wanted him to tell him anything that would help him decode this impossible person. 

Zayn wasn’t compliant, however. They fell back into an easy conversation about their mutual love for reading. Eventually Liam got Zayn to open up about little things. Zayn told him lots of things from his favorite book (The Catcher in the Rye) to his favorite movie (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid) to his biggest pet peeve (when people touch him for no reason). It was like Zayn had been holding all of this trivial information about himself hostage, just waiting for someone to ask him about it. 

Liam liked it. He liked knowing that Zayn like to drink Pepsi over any other drink, and that he loved when it rain because the daylight looks the best hidden behind the clouds. He like that Zayn told him that he was scared of horses because they were bigger than him and that he didn’t like dogs because they smelled weird. 

Liam wanted to hold onto every piece of Zayn that he was offered and never let it go. He wanted to meet everyone like he met Zayn. Open and honest. Totally willing to hear anything and everything. He wanted Zayn to never stop revealing little glimpses of his life. He never wanted Zayn to stop talking. 

This was all so new and unfamiliar. He should be nervous about wandering around so late at night. He should have learned more about Zayn before he went trekking across town with him. But he didn’t care. All he cared about was the now. And that Zayn let him be part of it. 

“Well.” Zayn said when they finally arrived at a modest two-story brick house. It was nice and charming. Liam thought it was perfect for Zayn. This is the house that Zayn should live in. “This is me.”

“Okay.” Liam nodded, shoving his hands into his jeans and rocking back on his heels. “Um. So. I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah totally.” Zayn nodded. Held up his hand to Liam before continuing. “Let me give you my number. We can hang out again.”

“Oh. Oaky. Yeah.” Liam fumbled a bit, and nearly dropped his phone onto the sidewalk. Zayn just smile at him, patiently waiting for him to resolve his issues. Zayn typed his number in quickly when Liam finally managed to hand it over then promptly gave it back. 

“I’ll see you later.” Zayn bid him farewell and headed up the driveway to the door. Liam sighed, disappointed that the night had come to an end. He was having such a good time. When Zayn stepped up on the porch, Liam turned to walk the way he came, starting one the long walk home alone. 

“Liam!” Heard Zayn call out to him when he was about halfway down the street. He turned; surprised that he was calling after him. Zayn was jogging towards him at a leisurely pace and Liam waited patiently for Zayn to explain what he wanted. “Do you want to come in?”

“In—“ Liam pointed back to the house. 

“Inside, yeah. I mean. We could. Talk.” Zayn said with a nervous laugh. “I still want to talk to you.”

“Yeah. Um. We could talk.” Liam sputtered. His head felt like it was going to explode. “Won’t your parents think it’s weird that you brought a total stranger inside after midnight?”

“They’re asleep.” Zayn offered with a shy smile. Liam’s mouth was dry and his head was spinning. Is this really his life?

“Oh.” Liam nodded. “Yeah. I’ll come in.” 

“Cool.” Liam was glad he said yes. He would say yes to anything Zayn wanted if he would always smile at him like that. 

So they headed back to the house like they had done it before. They stopped on the porch and Zayn dug around in his pockets for a moment. Zayn pulled a set of keys from his pocket and slipped on in the lock, twisting it slowly so there wouldn’t be as much noise. The door pushed open noiselessly and they stepped inside the dark house. 

He followed Zayn up a flight of stairs, trying to be quiet. His foot landed on a step that let out a deafening creak when he put his weight on it. Zayn whirled around and looked at him with an amused expression before shushing him. 

“This is it.” Zayn whispered as he pushed open the door they had stopped at. Liam held his breath as Zayn let him inside. He was nervous and uncomfortable at the same time. This was weird, right? Going to some random person’s bedroom after only meeting each other a couple hours ago?

“It’s nice.” Liam said when Zayn shut the door behind them. It really was. It wasn’t spotless, but it was tidy and cozy. The only light in the room was a lamp that was left on over on the desk. The room was basking in a faint warm glow that made Liam feel all fuzzy. 

“Thanks.” Zayn said shyly. Liam tried (and failed) not to stare at Zayn’s bum as he bent over to unlace his shoes. But who was he kidding? There’s no way he couldn’t look. Liam tried to look occupied by looking around, taking in his surroundings. There was a bookshelf next to the desk that was jam packed with books of all shapes and sized. On the floor next to the bookshelf was another teetering pile of paperbacks that looked a little worse for wear. 

“You weren’t kidding when you said you liked to read.” Liam observed, stepping closer to the bookshelf to look over the titles. 

“It’s the only thing I’m good at. Math, science, history…not so much. But reading has always been easy.” Zayn told him. Liam looked behind him just in time to see Zayn shrugging out of his jacket. He swallowed an enormous lump in his throat and got back to the books. 

“I’m sure you’re good at other things.” Liam commented when he was safely looking away. 

“Not really. That’s not even me being self-deprecating. I just don’t excel at anything. Except reading I guess.” Zayn chuckled, stepping closer to Liam so that they were standing side by side. Zayn extended an arm and grabbed a thick book with a modest black binding. “I read the unabridged version of _Les Miserables_ when I was twelve.”

“No way.” Liam gasped, pulling the enormous book from Zayn’s hands. There’s no way he could get through a book that long. He was bound to get bored. Liam always got bored easily. “That’s impossible.”

“It’s not impossible.” Zayn defended, leaning against the shelf gently. Liam flipped through the pages, marveling at how small the text was. “If someone took the time to write it you might as well read it.”

“That’s a good point.” Liam agreed, placing the book back in its spot. “Did you alphabetize your bookshelf?” 

“Yes.” Zayn nodded seriously. “Yes I did.” 

“Wow.” Liam whistled. He was genuinely impressed. 

“I like books.” Zayn said simply. Simple was good. Yet another thing that went perfect with Zayn. First, the cigarettes, the jacket, the hair, and now the books. This kid was like the eighth wonder of the world or something. 

“Yeah.” Liam laughed. “I noticed.” 

“Come on. I didn’t invite you up for a book club meeting.” Zayn said. He pushed away form the shelf and walked over to the small expanse of carpet in front of the bed and slid gracefully to the floor. There was another small pile of books next to the foot of the bed and few pillows scattered around. 

Liam followed Zayn’s actions, mostly because he wasn’t sure what to do if he stayed standing. They were sitting face to face in such a way that their knees could touched if one made a sudden movement. Liam eyed the distance between them, wondering if he was too close. 

“I like sitting here to read. The carpet is really soft.” Zayn said to explain the stuff around them. His hand rested delicately on the small stack of books. “Everything makes more sense on the floor. For me at least.”

“It’s a nice spot.” Liam agreed. The carpet was really nice. He couldn’t help but picture Zayn here. Reading against a fluffy pillow in the late afternoon light without a care in the world. It was a nice image. 

“I want to ask you something.” Zayn said after a long pause. His eyes were averted, like he was embarrassed by what he wanted to say. “I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it. But I also feel like I have to.”

“Okay.” Liam said cautiously, twisting his fingers together nervously. He was probably going to reveal that he some psychotic serial killer then chop Liam into a hundred little pieces. Fuck, he didn’t even know this guy. What is he doing?

“Are you a virgin?” Zayn asked clumsily. Liam chocked on his own spit. He was not expecting that. Zayn turned bright red and buried his face in his hands. “That was a terrible opening line.”

“It was. Um.” Liam replied. He didn’t know what to say. Should he lie and say no? Or should he tell him the truth? Did Zayn want to have sex? Why would he ask that? Why would Zayn even want to have sex with him? Why is he thinking about having sex with Zayn? It absolutely was not helping. 

“Have you had sex before?” Zayn urged, leaning into Liam slightly. 

“Have you?” Liam challenged. He didn’t want to just admit he’s virgin. Talk about lame. 

“Liam.” Zayn said. His tone was borderline desperate. Liam wasn’t to die at how embarrassed Zayn looked. 

“No. I’ve never had sex before.” Liam admitted. Zayn let out a loud breath, almost like a sigh of relief. Liam buried his fingers in the soft carpet below him. He needed something to ground him. Something to make him feel less like he was about to lose control.

“Me neither.” Zayn told him. Liam gaped at him. So this was a virgin heart to heart then? “But the thing is…I’m thinking about, you know?”

“Oh. You are.” Liam tried to ignore the way his hear clenched in his chest. “Are you…”

“I’ve been seeing someone for a while now.” Zayn answered. His thin fingers started to pick at a frayed hole in the knee of his pants. It was so distracting. Liam couldn’t see anything else but those fingers. Touching some girl, curling around some girl’s fingers, or tangling in her long hair. Ugh. 

“We said we were going to tomorrow. Well. I guess today. You know.” Zayn told him quietly. If the room wasn’t so still he probably wouldn’t have heard it. “I want to. I think. I just don’t know.”

“You don’t sound to sure of yourself.” Liam raised an eyebrow at him. It was only a little accusing. 

“I want to have sex. I do.” Zayn said firmly. “I just don’t know what to expect. I can’t ask my parents because it’s too weird, I don’t have any siblings, and my friends would just laugh at me. But I’m so fucking freaked out about it and I don’t know if that’s the way I should feel.”

“I don’t think anyone really knows the way it should feel.” Liam supposed. He sure as hell didn’t know. 

“I’m not in love.” Zayn blurted. The suddenness of it startled Liam a little. 

“Okay?” Liam nodded. He didn’t really know where to go from there. 

“Should I be?” Zayn expanded. 

“That’s kind of a personal question, don’t you think?” Liam shifted awkwardly where he was sitting. The room suddenly felt so unbearably hot. There was nervous sweat running down his neck and he was breathing harder. God. He couldn’t even talk about sex without getting all embarrassed. He feels about twelve years old. 

“Tell me what you think.” Zayn said, meeting Liam’s eyes. He looked so lost, what else was Liam supposed to do?

“For me I don’t think it’s necessarily about love. I just want it be with someone I trust. Someone I know cares about me.” Liam explained awkwardly. “That way I won’t feel like I lost something if things go wrong. I just want someone to realize how important getting past the first time is, you know?”

“So you don’t think I’m making a mistake?” Zayn asked him. Wow. No pressure to say the right thing, right?

“I can’t say that. Only you can decide that. But I definitely don’t think you should do it if you’re being pressured. I think you should feel safe during you first time. And that you should know that the person you’re doing it with supports your decision to lose your virginity because _you_ want to.” 

“How do I know I’m making the right choice?” Zayn sounded frustrated, rightfully so. But why was he talking to Liam about this? He didn’t have any answers for him. 

“You’ll just know. I don’t think any time will feel like the right time. I think you should take that step if you’re ready. You shouldn’t regret not doing if you really want to.” Liam shrugged. There wasn’t much else he could say. 

“What do you think it feels like?” Zayn asked him seriously. Liam’s cheeks flushed bright red. “Having sex?”

“I don’t know. It probably feels good. I bet it feels good to feel so close to someone. There would have to be a lot of trust and I like the thought of trusting someone enough to do that.” Liam smiled wistfully. It’s a nice thought, okay?

“When do you think you’ll feel ready?” Zayn pressed on. God. Liam was so far out of he element here. He knew a lot of things. But sex? He didn’t know anything. 

“When I know the person I’m thinking of having sex with won’t let me down. When I don’t have to think about anything other than the moment, that’s when I know it will be right.” Liam is just taking a shot in the dark here. He’s not the most qualified person to talk about sex with. 

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Zayn asked randomly. “You seem really sure of yourself. Like you’ve thought a lot about this.”

“No.” Liam answered. What the hell? Might as well lay it all out on the table. He’s already discussed sex with this kid. “I don’t like girls. Well. I don’t want to have sex with one. I like girls just fine.”

“You’re um.” Zayn trailed off. Liam sighed. Why couldn’t people just say it?

“Gay. Homosexual. Yes. I like boys. Whoop-dee-fucking-do.” Liam snapped, waving his arms around in a mock joyful way. Zayn blanched and blushed again. He looked good when he was blushing. 

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just. I figured. I was surprised I was right.” Zayn explained quickly. 

“Oh. Is it that obvious?” Liam asked, aghast. He wasn’t hiding it or anything but he wasn’t exactly stereotypical gay boy either. Usually people didn’t know unless he told them.

“No.” Zayn replied with a shrug. Liam wanted to punch him in the arm. Mostly just so he could touch him. 

“Oh.” Liam said, scratching his neck. After a few seconds he decided that he should punch Zayn in the arm. So he did. And Zayn smiled widely at him and playfully nudged his shoulder. 

“So no boyfriend or anything?” Zayn asked, getting back on topic. Liam couldn’t blame him for being curious, but Liam wasn’t too keen on talking about his nonexistent sex life. There wasn’t anything to say it except that he was pathetic. 

“Nope. I’ve been in love with Harry Styles since freshmen year. But. He’s straight and we’re just friends. You know how that is.” Liam said without thinking. Shit. He’s an idiot. He basically just implied that Zayn was gay. He didn’t know because the dude was fucking impossible to read. “Or not. I mean...”

“I know what you mean.” Zayn told him. That didn’t exactly answer the questions Liam had. He would like to know the gender of the person Zayn is going to have sex with. He never said explicitly that is was a girl. So…there’s a slight chance, right? 

“So. Um. If like I said. If you feel like you’re ready. Just. Be safe and whatever.” Liam mumbled, looking away. Zayn laughed quietly at that. At least Zayn thought he was funny, even if he didn’t mean to be. He’ll take what he can get. 

“Thanks, Liam. That was probably weird.” Zayn mumbled. Liam nodded, because it was fucking weird. But in a good way. Because Zayn genuinely wanted to know what Liam thought. No one other than Danielle has ever confided in him. It was just the right amount of weird. 

Zayn grabbed a pillow that was on the floor and adjusted it so he could lie down on it. Liam watched Zayn stretch out on the floor in front of him, his eyes all droopy and tired. Liam wanted to touch him. 

“You can lie down too.” Zayn said, his voice muffled by the pillow. Liam nodded and grabbed another pillow, lying down a few inches from Zayn. There was really no other place for him to go. 

“Sometimes I feel really lonely.” Zayn said sleepily. Liam turned his head and was met with the back of Zayn’s head. Nice view. “I just want to feel like someone’s there for me.”

“Me too.” That’s the last thing Liam said before drifting off to sleep on Zayn Malik’s bedroom floor.


	2. Saturday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a roller coaster of emotion. High school ammiright?

Liam woke up with an odd pain in his hip. The kind that you get from laying on one side for too long. He was stiff and sore in in all the wrong places His consciousness was a little fuzzy around the edges and when he opened his eyes and was met the back of a head he barely recognized. He tired to contain his groan when he rolled over out of his uncomfortable position. 

Where the fuck is he and why is he asleep on the floor? He scrubbed at his face furiously with his hands, trying to get it together. Thankfully he didn’t feel hungover. He didn’t even drink that much last night so he didn’t understand why he felt so out of sorts. He sat up, trying to ignore the way his head was spinning.

The body that was asleep next to him shifted too, rolling over and revealing his face. Liam wanted to shoot himself in the face when he saw who it was. Zayn. The mysterious stranger that he met in an alley behind a party. It all came rushing back to him. The walk, the cigarettes, the books, and the sex talk. The lovely curve of his top lip and the beginnings of facial hair scattering across his cheeks. Yeah, Liam remembers that impossibly beautiful face. 

Liam held his breath as Zayn’s abnormally long eyelashes fluttered open. Zayn’s face crinkled in confusion when he saw Liam sitting next to him then relaxed. Liam smiled sheepishly at him, running fingers through his hair. He honestly didn’t know how to start a conversation. At this point he’s probably known Zayn for oh, twelve hours?

“Hey.” Zayn greeted, sitting up from his reclined position, rubbing sleep from his eyes. 

“Hey.” Liam returned. He tried to stretch his body out discretely. 

“Um. Morning?” Zayn said slowly. 

“Hey.” Liam was really intelligent in the mornings apparently. 

“Zayn!” A voice called from far off. They both froze and looked at each other. “Zayn, honey, are you awake yet? It’s almost noon!” The voice was getting closer and closer and Liam was freaking out more and more. How did the Malik’s feel about random people having sleepovers with their son?

“Hide.” Zayn hissed, jumping off the floor at an amazing speed. Liam tried to follow suit, but it came out a little clumsier than he intended. He was trying to steal away to the en suite bathroom so he wasn’t caught, but managed to trip over his own feet. This sent him sprawling out across the floor. Zayn made a distressed noise and Liam crawled the rest of the way. 

“Zayn?” Liam heard a woman say, opening the door. He breathed a sigh of relief, having barely made it to the bathroom in time to hide. 

“Uh, morning.” Zayn said. He sounded nervous. Or maybe Liam was just making that up because he was the nervous one.

“Are you okay? I heard a bump. Did you fall out of bed or something?” The lady said to Zayn. He assumed it was his mother. 

“I—um. Well, I. Er. Yeah. Bed. I fell.” Zayn responded quickly. Liam had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing too loudly. 

“Well. Alright. Louis stopped by and he wanted to see you. Told him you were still in bed and that I’d send you over when you woke up.” 

“Oh.” Zayn replied shortly. 

“So you’re up. Now get going. You can’t bum around all day.” His mom replied with a laugh. 

“I’m up. I was just about so shower so…” Zayn said. 

“Are you feeling all right, honey?” She asked him. Liam was begging her to leave. 

“I feel fine! Great!” Zayn blurted frantically. “Why? Do I not look fine? I’m great.”

“Ooooookay.” His mom said, her tone hesitant. “I’ll leave you to it.”

“Bye.” Zayn said before the door clicked shut behind him. With his mom finally gone, Liam allowed himself to laugh a little louder. Zayn peered into the bathroom to find Liam on the floor, looking unmoved by the humor. 

“I’m sorry.” Liam gasped. “For someone who looks like you, you are so not smooth.”

“I’ve never been a smooth talker. She totally knew I was lying to her. God. I’m ridiculous.” Zayn shook his head, cracking a small smile. 

“A bit.” Liam agreed. 

“I’m about to get a little more ridiculous.” Zayn told him after a beat. Liam pulled himself from the floor, giving him a curious look. “You need to go out the window.”

“The window? You want me to jump out of the window. Of a two story house?” Liam said incredulously. 

“Yep.” Zayn nodded slowly. 

“Is the door broken or something?” Liam asked, still not believing it. 

“No, I’m sure it works just fine. I just don’t know how my parents will feel about their gay son walking a random stranger, who is male, out of his bedroom.” Zayn said casually, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Oh.” Liam said. “ _Oh._ Jesus. Okay. Yeah. Window.”

“Window.” Zayn agreed, turning on his heel and leading Liam out of the bathroom to the window. It slid open easily and Zayn popped the screen off. Liam took a deep breath and heaved himself through. “Thanks for last night. I hope it wasn’t like…weird or anything.”

“I had a really great time last night, Zayn.” Liam said as seriously as he could, so maybe Zayn could understand just how much he enjoyed last night. 

“Good.” He nodded “Well. Call me sometime. Or text me. I don’t know. We can do something.” 

“Definitely. See you.” At that Liam lowered himself onto the section of roof that was underneath the window. He glanced at the ground and sighed. It was a pretty long drop to the ground, and if he slipped it would probably hurt. A lot.

“What am I doing with my life?” He asked himself as he scaled across the roof ungracefully, inching toward the edge. There was a tree not to far from the edge. Perfect, he thought. Just a small hop and I’m golden. 

He was wrong. He hit the ground with a groan after practically jumping off the roof like an idiot. Again, 35 on the ACT. But a fucking idiot. A failed jump and a possible fractured spine later, he was strolling out of Zayn’s neighborhood quickly, hoping to avoid getting seen. 

Once he was clear of the house, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He had a text from his mom telling him to text her back when he could, and 17 missed calls from Dani. He rolled his eyes, texted his mom back and called Dani (reluctantly).

“Liam! Jesus! Where the fuck are you?” Dani yelled when she answered the phone. “Your mom just called asking if you were here. I obviously said yes, but I was only a couple hours ago from calling the police. Why don’t you answer your damn phone? What good is it if you don’t answer it!” 

“I’m fine. I wasn’t really thinking about my phone last night. I uh, was busy. I should have told you what I was doing.” He explained, the added as an after thought, “Sorry.”

“Marcy Tyler said she saw you talking to some hottie in a leather jacket after the party was busted. This wouldn’t have anything to do with him would it?” Dani said in her gossip voice. 

“Um. Yes.” What else could he say, really? She would find out eventually. 

“Liam! Holy shit! Did you like…” She trailed off suggestively. Liam blushed bright red and made an undignified squawk in horror. 

“No! We just hung out then fell asleep. It was nothing.” Liam insisted.

“Does he not like…swing that way?” She sounded disappointed. Liam really needed to reconsider his choice in friends. 

“Oh he does. I met him like…12 hours ago Dani. I’m not going to just hop in bed with him. Virgin, remember?” Liam said sassily. Because he could. 

“So? My first time was with some dude I met at Reed Parson’s birthday sophomore year. I think it actually been Reed…either way, virginity and how long you’ve known him has nothing to do with anything.”

“You’re kind of a slut, aren’t you?” Liam laughed. She did too. She couldn’t even deny it. 

“So. Hottie in the jacket. Details.” She said abruptly, getting back on track.

“There’s nothing to tell. We went to his house and we talked about his boyfriend then fell asleep.” Liam shrugged, looking down at the pavement as he walked. 

“He has a boyfriend.” Dani said indifferently. 

“Yes. He said they were going to have sex tonight. So it was totally platonic.” He said. Of course it was platonic. He’s Liam Payne. 

“You’re so innocent it’s almost sweet.” Dani cooed.

“What did I say?” Liam asked defensively. 

“He’s so full of shit.” Dani returned. 

“Who is?” He scratched his head.

“Hottie. He doesn’t have a boyfriend.” Dani said slowly, as if it were hard for him to grasp.

“Yes he does. He said they were—“ Liam began. 

“Well I can say I’m the president of the United States but that doesn’t make it true now does it?” She offered.

“Dani, he isn’t lying.” Liam sighed. “Why would someone lie about that?”

“People do that all the time. He’s playing hard to get. It makes him interesting if he’s unattainable. Did he tell you to call him?” She told him confidently, like she knew everything. 

“Yeah, but—“ Liam said warily. 

“He’s totally playing you.” Dani laughed, a little too delighted for Liam’s taste. “I’ll be damned. My little LiLi is having his first real high school experience.”

“Are you fucking serious right now?” He groaned, tempted to hang up on her. 

“What?” She asked. As if she didn’t know.

“You are the actual worst.” Liam snapped. 

“What! Liam, it’s my duty as your best friend to be aware of milestones in your life. And getting played by some stranger you met at a party is huge for you.” She explained like it was obvious. It probably was, but she didn’t have to say it. God.

“You make it sound like I’m some antisocial reject.” Liam rolled his eyes. 

“Well…” She sucks. Liam isn’t a reject. Not completely. 

“I’m hanging up on you.” He said, pulling the phone away.

“No! Wait. I’m sorry. Bad timing.” She said softly. “All I’m saying is that I’m glad you’re actually putting yourself out there. I know it’s hard for you. And I just…I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks, Dani.” How could he stay mad at her?

“Just be careful with him okay? Don’t get your hopes up for or anything. You know how people are.” She said gently, in the same tone his mom used on him.

“Yeah. I do.” Liam agreed solemnly. 

“By the way I told Tony we were switching shifts today. Consider it payment for covering for you. Which means you have,” She paused. “Five minutes to get to work. Love you, bye.”

“Dani!” He balked, but she was gone. He hated her. He really did. With that he took off in a full sprint to _maybe_ get to work on time.

***

Liam and Dani worked at the local grocery store on Main Street. It was a quaint little place that everyone adored. It was small and family owned, so it had that small town charm, even though their town couldn’t exactly be called small. 

Liam liked his job, except for his manager Tony, who was all glares and harsh comments about his work ethic. Liam thought his face would melt off from the look he gave him when he ducked into the store two minutes late.

“This better not be a regular thing, Payne.” Tony growled at him. Liam sure it was a literal growl. Tony is probably half bear or something.

“When am I ever late?” Liam asked, passing by him quickly to the employee area so he could change into his uniform. 

“All the time.” Tony replied. 

“Right.” It was true. He was late a lot. But he hadn’t been fired yet, so. He changed quickly, into the stupid white button up and khaki’s he had to wear. The look was completed with a red apron and a large nametag that said LIAM P. in bold print. There were worse work uniforms, he supposed. 

He emerged from the break room, avoiding Tony’s glare, and took his spot at register 2, which was his usual place. It was his favorite register in the store because the magazine rack shielded him from Tony who was stationed at the customer service desk. 

The day was busy. It was Saturday, so most people and their dogs were at the store getting the weekly groceries. Some people he knew, and he had to tell them that his family was well, and listen to stories he didn’t care about. For the most part, he just scanned and bagged. 

“Hey, Liam.” A voice greeted him from the side. He had just handed the last customer her receipt, and he turned to meet the soulful green eyes of none other than Harry Styles. Liam felt like his was going to faint. 

“Hey, Harry.” Liam said to quickly. “What’s up?”

“Just picking up a few things.” Harry said, motioning to the items on the belt. Duh. He was at a grocery store. “How’s your day going?”

“All right I guess.” Liam said, picking up the first item and scanning it. Shampoo. Coconut. Interesting. Liam placed it in the bag. 

“Good.” Harry nodded. “Did you go to Connor’s last night?”

“Yeah. Stopped by.” Liam said. Conditioner. Same scent. 

“Too bad I didn’t see you. Would have been fun to hang out.” Harry said. Lifesavers. Wintermint. Ugh. 

“Yeah. Too bad. Got busted pretty early.” Liam replied. Three cans of tomato soup.

“It was insane.” Harry smiled, his dimples making a full appearance. Liam had to look away, lest he do something embarrassing. Like reach out to touch that gorgeous face. 

“It was all right.” Liam shrugged. 

“Heard you ran off with some kid from West. What was that about?” Harry asked him. Liam almost dropped the 12 pack of Pepsi he was holding. How the fuck did Harry know that?

“Uh. Yeah. Just a friend. No big deal.” Liam shrugged. 

“Ooh. Tell that to the soccer team. West beat them out for the region title last week. Relations are quite strained.” Harry laughed. 

“Don’t really care about soccer.” Liam shrugged. Harry smiled at him again. 

“Dangerous. I like it.” Liam smiled back tightly and nearly choked on his tongue when he picked up the last item. 

Jesus. Condoms. Oh god. Liam made the mistake of making eye contact with Harry as he scanned them. Harry just winked mischievously. He had no shame. He was buying condoms in broad daylight and Liam could barely scan them for him without having a conniption. Harry was so out of his league it was almost laughable. 

“Anyway. I’m having a few people over tonight. Usual suspects. I know Dani is coming so I better see you there.” Harry said, pulling out some cash to pay the total. 

“Yeah. Sure. I’ll be there.” Liam managed to say semi normally. 

“You better.” Harry said. Liam held his bags out to him; Harry took them with a smile. “See you tonight, Liam.”

“See you.” With that we was gone. Liam watched his backside in those jeans all the way out of the store. He couldn’t help it. 

His next customer was Mrs. Park. She was his neighbor. She pestered him with useless questions and unnecessary comments. Then a few strangers who only made small talk. Andy stopped by and harassed him about the extinction of some snail in the Amazon. Then more people. 

He was about twenty minutes out from the end of his shift when someone else he knew showed up in front of his register. Liam gaped for a moment, almost not believing what he was seeing. Zayn was here. At his work. At his register. With his mom?

“Hello. Did you find everything okay?” Liam asked his mom. She had Zayn’s eyes. Liam started scanning their groceries, trying to ignore Zayn’s eyes on him. 

“We did. Thanks.” She answered, smiling pleasantly. Liam wondered if she would smile like that at him if she knew that he jumped off her roof after sneaking out of Zayn’s window. 

“How are you, Zayn?” Liam asked after a pause. His mom looked between them curiously. 

“Good.” Zayn shrugged. “You?”

“Fine.” Liam replied. 

“You boys know each other?” She asked. Liam shrugged in sync with Zayn. “Do you go to school together?”

“No. Mutual friends.” Liam answered. “I go to Marshall.”

“Ah. How fun.” She grinned. Liam smiled back. 

“I got invited to Harry Styles’s party tonight. You going?” Zayn asked. Liam glanced up at him, slightly alarmed. Zayn and Harry in the same place. Oh god. 

“I was planning on it.” Liam said tightly, dropping the box of cereal he was holding on the scanner. He closed his eyes for a moment to collect himself. 

“Cool. Maybe I’ll see you there.” Zayn smirked. Why the fuck did he always smirk?

“Oh. Yeah. I thought…” Liam hoped Zayn picked up the implication. 

“I’ll be there.” Zayn said, glancing at his mom. 

“Good. Me too.” Laim coughed. “Anyway. Your total is $54.67.”

“Well. It was nice to meet you.” Zayn’s mom looked at his nametag as she handed him her card. “Liam.”

“You too.” Liam replied, handing the card back. He nodded at Zayn and watched as they gathered their things, and headed for the exit. Zayn had a nice behind too. Liam sighed. 

***

Harry’s was in full swing when they arrived. Andy immediately sulked off to the living room, and Dani ran off with some girl from her English class, leaving Laim to fend for himself. He did a lap around the house, looking for someone he knew. 

Not Zayn. Or Harry. Just someone. 

He wandered around aimlessly, finding no one he particularly wanted to see. He was a little disappointed that he didn’t see Zayn. He probably already came and went with his boyfriend. Zayn was probably having sex right now. And Liam was here, at a party. Alone.

After a beer or two and some small talk with people he only knew a little, Liam excused himself to go pee. The one downstairs was being used, but he knew there was one on the second floor that Harry only let some people use. Since he knew it was there he took that as permission to use it. 

The door was closed, so he knocked. And waited. There was no reply, so he turned the knob. It wasn’t locked, so he pushed it open. Huge mistake. Massive mistake. Monumental mistake. 

“Oh shit.” Liam said, his eyes bugging out of his head. He did no see that one coming at all. When he went in search of the bathroom he didn’t expect to see Zayn sitting on the sink with his pants undone and the captain of the soccer team, Niall Horan, between his legs. 

But, life. You know.

“Liam!” Zayn gasped, shoving Niall away. Niall looked horrified and disheveled. His lips were swollen and his shirt crooked.

“I’m so sorry. It was unlocked and I had to pee. I’m going.” He backed up, pulling the door closed with him. His heart was pounding in his chest rapidly. Hell if that wasn’t the most scarring thing he’s ever seen. 

Shit. Niall was supposed to be straight. 

“Liam, wait!” Zayn called out, throwing the door open and following him into the hallway. 

“I’m not going to tell anyone or anything. I mean, Niall Horan is straight and has a girlfriend, but I’m not going to tell anyone that he had his hands down your pants in the bathroom at a party. No worries.”

“Liam, don’t say it like that. It’s not…” Zayn was following him as he tried to step away from him. 

“Whatever, Zayn. You don’t have to explain. It’s your business. Everything I said last night stands. So. Go crazy. With another girls boyfriend. It’s your call.” Liam took another step back.

“It’s complicated.” Zayn said sheepishly. Liam rolled his eyes. 

“It’s not.” Liam retorted.

“Liam—“ Zayn started.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me. Seriously. We aren’t even friends really. I’m just some guy that gave you advice.” Liam mostly just didn’t want to hear it. He couldn’t bear it if his did.

“Would you just let me explain?” Zayn tired to talk over him, placing a hand on his arm.

“There’s nothing to explain. You are seeing Niall behind Erin’s back. That’s your business.” Liam patted him in the shoulder then threw himself into the crowd, hoping to conceal himself from Zayn for now. Maybe forever. 

***

“Zayn.” Niall said behind him. “Who the fuck was that?

“A friend.” Zayn said, not taking his eyes away from the hallway Liam disappeared down. 

“So he won’t like…” Niall said, looking around nervously. 

“He won’t tell. Don’t worry.” Zayn sighed. “No one knows, Niall.”

“Okay.” Zayn smiled at him lamely. “I’m sorry, Z. I’m just…in a lot of places right now. You know that.”

“I know. I know.” Zayn nodded. “It’s fine. We’re fine. I can wait.”

“Thanks, babe.” Niall said, his voice dropping to barely a whisper. “I really…I like this, Z. It’s just our thing right now. Our secret.”

“Secret. Right.” Zayn crossed his arms over his chest. 

“I’m going to find Erin. She’s probably looking for me.” Niall told him, stepping away slowly. Zayn nodded again. He really had no choice but to agree. “We’ll duck out early, okay? We’re still on for tonight?”

“Yes. Of course.” Zayn said, ignoring the lump in his throat. 

“I’ll find you in an hour.” Niall said. And left him standing alone in the hallway. 

Zayn hated himself for a minute. He came to this damn party just so he could see Niall, only to be ditched by him. He didn’t know anyone. Well, anyone that didn’t think he was some home wrecker. At a loss for anything else to do, he headed to the kitchen in search of something to drink.

“Zayn, right?” Zayn turned toward the voice that said his name. A vaguely familiar face was smiling at him. 

“Yeah. Uh…” He didn’t know who this was, even if he did look familiar. 

“Harry Styles. This is my house.” Ah. Liam’s Harry. So that’s who Liam has been in love with since freshmen year. Zayn all of a sudden felt some sort of dread in his chest. Harry was absolutely incredibly good looking. No wonder Liam liked him. 

“Oh. Cool party.” He said dumbly. 

“Thanks.” Harry said. He swayed forward a little, crowding into Zayn space. He was totally tipsy. “So you’re Niall’s friend? What’s that about?”

“Why am I friends with Niall?” Zayn asked, shifting nervously. 

“How do you guys know each other? I mean, he’s my best friend and this is the first I’ve heard of you.” Harry looked at him suspiciously. At least that’s how it felt. He knows what they say about a guilty conscious and what not. “He said you guys have known each other for a long time?” 

“Um. Sort of. We grew up next door to each other. He moved across town years ago. We only just started hanging out again.” That was the very simplified version. For obvious reasons.

“Oh. Well, thanks for coming. Pretty brave of you.” Harry laughed. 

“No one has given me any trouble.” Zayn assured him. 

“Good. Let me know if they do. I’m all about tolerance and that shit. School rivalries be damned.” Harry said enthusiastically, swaying a little too close into Zayn personal space yet again. 

“Okay. Thanks.” Zayn smiled thinly. 

Harry was about to say something when his gaze fell on something in the doorway to the kitchen. He gave someone as big smiled. Zayn turned his head to see who it was, and his stomach dropped. 

“Liam! Have you met Zayn?” Harry asked, waving Liam over. Zayn blushed bright red when their eyes met. Liam leveled him with a judgmental stare before approaching. 

“We’ve met.” Liam said slowly, looking at him with an even gaze. 

“Great! He’s a friend of Niall’s from West, so I’m trying to make him feel welcome.” Harry explained, pointing to Zayn. 

“Friend of Niall’s, huh?” Liam said, raising a smug eyebrow. 

“It surprised me too. He swore he would never speak to anyone from West after that game last week.” Harry laughed, patting Zayn on the back. He was so blissfully unaware of everything that had transpired. 

“Must be pretty special then.” Liam smirked. Zayn wanted to shrivel up in a corner and never come out. “Sorry to cut this short. We’re in the middle of an intense Fifa tourney.”

“Good to see ya, Liam. Thanks for coming out.” Harry said, patting him on the back. Liam gave Zayn one final glance and left them alone again.

“How do you know, Liam, then?” Harry said, raising an eyebrow. “Here I thought you would be alone among strangers but you seem to be doing just fine.”

“I don’t know him well. We just…we’ve seen each other.” Zayn said warily. It was true. It was way too true. 

“Yikes.” Harry winced. “What’s the story there?”

“Story?” Zayn tried not to blush. He was blushing. 

“Please. I could cut the tension between you with a knife.” Harry scoffed. 

“No story.” Zayn tried to seem nonchalant. There wasn’t a story. Not really. 

“Alright.” Harry shrugged. “I know Liam like guys, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m not going to judge you or anything if you like him. He’s a good kid.”

“He’s nice.” He said carefully.

“Oh my god. You are into him.” Harry pointed an accusing finger in his face. 

“No. I’m seeing someone. It’s just…” He trailed off. “Stuff happens, you know?”

“Oh, I know.” Harry smiled. “Look, even if you are seeing someone, no shame in looking…or touching. Especially Liam. I know he seems like, socially awkward and stuff. But he’s one of the most friendly and genuine people I’ve met. He’s a real deal.”

“He’s nice.” Zayn said again. What else could he say? 

“So nice. I mean, I’ve been testing the waters lately, and let me tell you, Liam is next on my list to experiment with. Those lips, you know what I mean?” Harry waggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Zayn wanted to puke.

“Uh. Sure.” Holy shit. Of course this was happening. Why wouldn’t Harry return Liam’s feelings? 

“Anyway. I’ve got to play host some more. Thanks for coming. Good to meet you.”

“Good to meet you.” Zayn repeated dumbly. Not quiet listening anymore. 

So. Harry was interested too. Of course he was. Liam and Harry would be a practical match. What with their looks, smiles, eyes. Good-looking people must find good looking people. It’s the way the world works. 

Ugh. He needed a smoke.

***

“Zayn.” Liam said to the figure on the front steps. He turned at looked up at Liam with a bored expression, pushing the smoke out of his mouth. 

“What.” Zayn turned away once he saw it was Liam behind him. This was already going bad. Liam had no idea what he was doing with his life right now. 

“I’m sorry for what I said in there.” He said, stepping out and plopping himself down next to Zayn. “You shouldn’t have to feel judged, its your choice.”

“Thanks.” Zayn said. “Niall and I…it’s…new? I guess. I don’t know.”

“So, tonight?” Liam said heavily, hoping Zayn caught on to the meaning. 

“Tonight.” Zayn nodded slowly. Taking a deep drag on the cigarette. “My first time.”

“Are you nervous?” Liam was nervous and he wasn’t even the one doing it. Zayn had to be freaking out a little. 

“Yeah.” Zayn nodded. He was tapping an anxious rhythm against his knee, his cigarette caught gracefully between his fingers. “I’m pretty sure he wants to top. So.”

“Oh. And…are you like…okay with that?” Liam felt bile rising in his throat. A mixture of the couple beers he’s had and the horror of what Zayn was saying.

“Yeah.” Zayn said coolly. “I’m alright with whatever. Sex is sex, no mater what position you’re in.”

“Don’t have sex with him.” Liam said because he couldn’t keep it in anymore. 

“Excuse me?” Zayn said. He voice has an edge that made Liam nervous. 

“You can’t, Zayn.” Liam said. “Not with him, not like this.”

“Hold on.” Zayn threw his cigarette onto the pavement. “Did you just tell me I can’t have sex?”

“Yes.” Liam nodded. “No. Shit. I’m asking you. Don’t do it.”

“Why the fuck not?” Zayn hissed. “You said last night to go for it. I like him, I trust him. What else is there?”

“The fact that your whole relationship is a lie, Zayn.” Liam was pointed out the obvious. He didn’t mean to sound so harsh. 

“Fuck you.” Zayn huffed. “You don’t know anything about our relationship.”

“You’re right. But I know that Niall is making you hide with him. And that’s fine, I get it but you shouldn’t take that big of a step with someone who has to hide that he’s with you from everyone.”

“It’s not a big deal. He’s working on it.” Zayn clasped his hands together. 

“Do your parents know you’re seeing him?” Liam asked. 

“No. That would defeat the purpose of it being a secret, Liam.” Zayn glowered at him. 

“See! I don’t doubt that you trust him. But you deserve—everyone deserves—for their first time with someone they care about to not be a secret. Niall should be fucking proud that he’s got you, not two timing his girlfriend with you.”

“We’re working on it.” Zayn informed him through clenched teeth. 

“Zayn—“ Liam tried. 

“Tell me the real reason why you don’t want me to sleep with him.” Zayn said, looking at Liam meaningfully. Liam paused, his mouth hanging open. “Tell me and I’ll consider listening to you.”

“Oh my god.” Liam said in disbelief. “You dig me.”

“I—“ Zayn started, looking shocked and confused. Did he really say that aloud?

“Hey, you ready?” Niall came up behind them. Liam nearly jumped out of his skin. 

“Yeah.” Zayn said after a weighty pause. Zayn just kept giving Liam this _look,_ like he was waiting for Liam to say something. Liam couldn’t. “Yeah, I’m ready. Let’s get our of here.”

“Zayn!” Liam called out after him. Niall and Zayn turned around, looking back in his direction. “Just. Do what will make you happy in the long run. Forget about everything else, okay?”

Zayn nodded and they continued on their way. Liam couldn’t do anything but watch Zayn walk away with Niall. 

Once they were out of sight, Liam turned and went back into the house. It was obvious that his night was ruined. Zayn would have sex with Niall and Liam would continue to be Liam. He didn’t even understand why he cared to much. He barely even knew him. But something about the though of Niall’s hands on him made his skin crawl.

“What happened to Ni?” Harry slurred, suddenly appearing in front of him. Liam sighed. Harry wrapped his arms around Liam’s neck and leaned heavily on him. He was wasted. 

“He left.” Liam said tersely. 

“He’s gone? Is he comin’ back?” Harry looked toward the door.

“Probably not.” Liam grumbled. He wasn’t upset. He couldn’t be. 

“Whyyyy?” Harry said, burying his face into Liam’s shoulder and sighing forlornly. 

“I dunno.” Liam answered and Harry hiccupped. Liam pulled the cup from his hands. “Alright. No more for you.” 

“Liam, I feel sick. Why do I feel sick?” Harry asked him. Oh god, Liam could hear Harry dry heaving against him. 

“Come on.” Liam started to pull him toward the nearest toilet. “To the bathroom. Do not puke on me.”

“Whoa. Let’s not walk. Walking is hard. No good.” Harry mumbled, still gagging every couple seconds. 

They made it just in time. A few seconds after Liam shoved Harry’s head over the toilet bowl he was emptying the contents of his stomach into it. It was vile. Awful. A perfect addition to his already crappy night. Harry looked good anyways, even when he was green and clammy. 

“Liam…” Harry groaned when he was done. He held his hand out for Liam to help him up. Liam obliged. “I think I’m drunk.”

“I think you are too.” Liam laughed, helping Harry right himself. He flushed the toilet and closed the lid, sitting Harry down. He opened the cabinet, looking for something Harry could rinse his mouth out with. 

“Why don’t we hang out more?” Harry asked him, swaying from side to side, his eyes unfocused. “I think we should hang out, Liam.”

“Sure.” Liam said, handing him a glass of mouthwash. Harry took it, tipping the glass back with practiced ease. Liam watched him swish the liquid around his mouth, thinking back on all the reasons why he liked Harry. 

Harry was attractive. Smart, even though you wouldn’t know right off the bat. He was really nice, too. He could make friends with anyone. He was always so nice to Liam, talking to him in the hallway and inviting him to do things. 

Harry gave him the time of day, and it wasn’t hard for Liam to imagine them becoming more. Harry was a prominent figure in his life. He imagined kissing Harry’s cheek and pushing the hair off of his sweaty forehead. He could imagine him helping Harry to his room and the climbing in after to cuddle until he fell asleep. 

But something felt a little off. Like he could imagine it easily but he didn’t really want it. Liam didn’t like to feel conflicted. 

So when Harry lunged at him and covered his mouth with his lips, Liam felt conflicted. It was everything he’s been dreaming of since high school started. Harry’s soft lips on his, his beautiful hands cupping his face; he was finally getting what he wanted. Liam didn’t even have time to think before he let himself sink into the kiss some more. 

Well, seems that the bisexuality rumors were true. 

Harry pushed himself onto the sink and wrapped his legs around Liam, pulling him impossibly closer. He could feel sharp lines of Harry’s body and his incredible warmth. He could taste the alcohol and mint on his breath as their tongues slid gently across each other.

“I’ve want to kiss you for months.” Harry said into his mouth. His words were thick, the sounded heavy in his ear. His cool fingertips dipped into the collar of his t-shirt, feeling the skin as she cupped Liam’s neck. “You have no idea.”

“Hmm.” Liam hummed, connecting their lips again. As they kissed, Liam couldn’t help but think about Zayn. The way he’s seen him wrapped around Niall in the exact same way. The way his heart dropped when he saw them together. 

And suddenly, things felt off again. He froze almost instantly, and Harry pulled away. Liam looked into his eyes, his pupils blown so wide he almost couldn’t see the color of them. He’s drunk, Liam reminded himself.

But that’s not the real reason it didn’t feel right to kiss him, was it?

“What’s wrong?” Harry breathed into his ear, nibbling on it lightly. Liam shivered at the feeling of his hot breath on him. It felt good, yes, but he didn’t want it. Not with Harry.

“I have to go.” Liam said, unwrapping Harry’s legs from around his waist. 

“What?” Harry said, looking confused and hurt, but mostly confused. 

“I’m sorry, Harry. I just…I have to go.” Liam apologized and bolted out of the bathroom. He had to get out of this house. Away form Harry. Away from the image of Zayn’s open jeans and Niall’s hands exploring him.

***

Liam shuffled into his house later the night, feeling exhausted and sad all at the same time. It was nearing one, and he was ready to call it a night. This is why he hated high school, he decided. He hated feeling like this. 

“Rough night?” His mom asked from the couch, scaring the shit out of Liam as he passed by. Liam tired to smile, but it wasn’t happening. His mom patted the cushion next to her. 

“Something like that.” Liam said, throwing himself onto the couch by his mom. She muted the television and turned toward Liam. “Harry kissed me.”

“Honey! That’s great!” Liam sighed. His mom frowned. “Not great?”

“It was okay. Just.” Liam bit his lip. “I met this boy yesterday and now I just don’t know.”

“Oh. Well. That was fast.” She smiled at him. He knew this already. This is why his life was so complicated. 

“I know. Last night we just started talking and I don’t know how to explain it, mom. But I just want to know him. Is that dumb?” Liam said, laying down and resting his head in her lap. She carded her fingers through his hair comfortingly. 

“Of course it’s not dumb. Sometimes you don’t realize what you really need until it’s right in front of you. Harry’s a good boy, but maybe you two are just meant to be friends.” She offered what was probably supposed to be helpful advice. It wasn’t. Not really.

“He has a boyfriend.” Liam told her miserably. “He has a boyfriend and I still rejected Harry for him. What am I doing with my life?”

“You’re growing up.” Him mom said seriously. She patted his cheek softly. “Welcome to the real world, Li. Where nothing makes sense.”

***  
At two, Liam was tossing and turning in bed. He couldn’t Zayn off his mind. He wondered if he had had sex with Niall. If it went okay. He wanted to call him, but he couldn’t. He kept reminding himself that he hardly knew Zayn at all. He shouldn’t care this much. 

His phone buzzed on the night stand, pulling him out of his thoughts. Liam reached blindly in the dark, trying to locate. His eyes protested the bright screen, but when he was finally able to make out what it said his heart started beating like mad. 

**Zayn Malik:  
You up?**

Holy shit. Zayn was texting him at two in the morning. What did he want? Was he going to rub it in his face? Was he going to tell Liam he regretted it? Was he finally going to say what he was going to say before Niall interrupted them?

**Are you okay?**

Liam rested the phone against his chest and tried to calm his breathing. 

**Zayn Malik:  
Yes. Can you come pick me up? I need to talk to you.**

**Where are you?**

**Zayn Malik:  
My house**

**I’ll be there soon.**

Liam didn’t even hesitate before jumping out of bed, putting his pants on, and grabbing his keys. What is his life coming to? 

Zayn was standing in the driveway when he pulled up. Liam came to a stop and Zayn climbed in the car silently. Liam looked at him for a moment, but Zayn seemed intent of ignoring his stare. 

“Are sure you’re okay?” Liam asked once they were driving down the road, out of his neighborhood. 

“Yes. I’m just.” Zayn said unhelpfully. 

“Okay.” Liam turned up the radio, letting the sound of The Smiths full the car.

“I love this song.” Zayn commented, pointing at the radio. Liam smiled as Zayn started singing along. “ _To die by your side, is such a heavenly way to die…_

“Me too.” Liam agreed. Not only was Zayn perfect but also he listened to The Smiths. Fuck it all. 

“I broke up with Niall.” Zayn finally said as they were approaching a yellow light. Liam slammed on the break, causing them both to jerk forward painfully. 

“What?” Liam gasped. The seatbelt had choked him slightly. 

“He um…” Zayn rubbed at his eyes. “He wanted to do it in his car. His parents were home. And I thought about what you said, you know. About not hiding and I said ‘I think we should stop seeing each other.’ And he got upset, but. I had him take me home.”

“Oh my god.” Liam breathed a sigh of relief. There was hope. “I’m so happy to hear that Zayn. I meant what I said earlier. You deserve someone who would be proud to have you. Fuck if it were me I would tell everyone who would listen that you took a shot on me.”

Zayn was silent, looking out the window. Liam tried not to regret what he said, but it was hard when Zayn’s lack of response was the most obvious rejection ever. He was surprised when he saw Zayn reach over the console and take his hand in his. 

“Would you make it special?” Zayn asked, still not looking at him. “Would you try and make it special for me?”

“Fuck. I would do anything to make you feel safe, Zayn.” Liam said, stopping the car when they came to stop sign. 

“Wait.” Zayn said when Liam started to take his foot off the break. Liam reapplied the pressure and waited for Zayn to say something else. 

With his free hand, Zayn flipped the gearshift to park and flicked his eyes up to Liam’s. It was dark in the car, but the light from the streetlamp reflected in Zayn’s eyes, making them practically glow. Liam took a shaky breath and waited for Zayn to do something else. 

Zayn looked down at their hands, clasped and resting on top of Liam’s thigh. Liam looked down too. It was freaky how right it felt. Zayn lifted Liam’s hand and placed his palm flat against his cheek. Liam could feel the warmth of his Zayn’s blush underneath his hand. 

“Am I reading this right?” Zayn murmured, nuzzling into Liam’s hand. Liam was shaking, there was so much happening at once he didn’t know what to do first. 

“Yeah.” Liam croaked. “Yes.”

“Good.” Zayn said softly. 

And for the second time that night, someone was lunging at his mouth. This time, it felt like someone had lit his while body on fire. If Harry’s kiss was nice, then this was indescribable. It was warm, wet, soft and sweet, all at the same time. It wasn’t rushed or frantic, it was just a kiss. Zayn held Liam’s shirt in his hands tightly, bringing him closer despite the awkward position. 

Liam felt like he was floating. Like this wasn’t even real. He wondered if he would wake up and be in his bed, dreaming of Zayn. It felt real, the push and pull, but there was no way it could be. It was too perfect. 

A car honked behind them, making them jump apart, startled. Zayn laughed and fell back into his seat, his breathing labored. Liam put the car in drive and continued down the road, happy and embarrassed. 

Zayn took his hand in his again as they drove. And Liam felt like thing were finally going his way. Zayn kissed him, Niall was history, and the prospect of Zayn becoming a thing was a reality. 

“Pull over here.” Zayn said, pointing to the park in the middle of town. It was dark and spooky looking, but Liam didn’t care He parked the car and cut the engine, and Zayn was out of the car before he even had a chance to say anything. 

He followed Zayn onto the grassy area, smiling at to himself. This was probably the perfect night, he decided, watching Zayn turn back toward him with a smile. He held out his hand to Zayn, and he took it, pulling Liam in for another kiss. 

Their lips met clumsily, barely even brushing before they were tumbling to the ground, laughing. Zayn landed on top of him, a welcome weight. Liam smiled, Zayn smiled. 

And suddenly they were kissing again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback?
> 
> things get steamy in the next chapter;)
> 
> thanks for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> this has been sitting in my computer for a long time. i have the rest of the story outlined and i want to know what people think before I tackle the rest.
> 
> So. 
> 
> What do you think? is it worth continuing?
> 
> Feedback=love:)


End file.
